This post has been brewing for quite a while. I have seen many, many people on dA talk about how they're terribly hard done by because of x, y and z. Maybe they're upset because they had an argument with a parent, or the person they've got a crush on doesn't return their feelings. It could be that they're feeling unhappy because they didn't get the grade they wanted. They could be angry because someone used their art without permission, or because someone threatened them. I am quite sure that every one of you who reads this can think of some event in your life that has lead to you feeling upset.

What I see in common with all of the events above is that someone is telling themselves, 'If this happens, then I will feel a certain way' or 'this causes me to feel a certain way.'
What I wonder though... Is that. Well. Not everyone would react in the same way to the same event. If I had an argument with a parent growing up, I'd run off and close my door, cry a bit and then get over it and feel fine within about half an hour. When I had a crush on someone who didn't feel the same way and were upfront about it, I would shake myself mentally and move on for the most part, except for when I'd been lead on. In that case, I told the boy exactly what I thought of someone who would lie to me, storm off, cut off all contact and THEN get over it. I have never, ever had something happen in my life where I've thought that my life would be over, and I've had some pretty significant things happen in my life.

I don't think that what happens in our life determines how we respond. What do you think?

My long-term watchers and friends who read my journals would probably know my background and could see where my thoughts on this come from, but for those of you who don't...

I have an Honours degree in Psychology. My thesis was about the effects of people basing their self-worth on external factors, and also looked at how people respond to different types of criticism based on how important they thought their performance was in their self esteem. Academically, I have done a great deal of work/research in looking at how people deal with setbacks, both real and imagined. I can talk theory until the cows come home - local of control, adjustment disorder, anxiety, depression, OCD, emotional dysregulation, personality disorders and how all or any of these are believed to interact with how people deal with negative life events. Most of you probably wouldn't appreciate the discussion (but if you ever want a copy of my thesis to read, just say the word and give me an email address!)

I now work as a Consultant for an organizational health company. My role includes working as a rehabilitation provider for people with a range of serious injuries as well as completing various medico-legal assessments. It's very hands-on and I see the psychological theories that I know of in action every single day.

The injuries I see at work are all long-term and they have all impacted on peoples lives enormously. If you watch the news and see stories about serious accidents happening in workplaces, chances are I've worked with people with similar injuries. I work with people who can't work because of their injuries and don't earn as much money as they could before and struggle with enormous pressures. These are people who might have a family to support, a mortgage to pay, debts that they can't repay because they're not earning as much as they were. They might be in danger of going bankrupt whilst also struggling with constant physical pain as well as depression and anxiety (which are very common people who have chronic pain).

But there is always a glimmer of hope. I've seen people with truly horrendous injuries who are happy and content with their lives despite everything. And it's not because what they've gone through is less than others. You'll just have to trust me on this because I can't give examples due to the confidential nature of my work.

On the other side of the coin, I have seen people with what may seem like minor physical injuries on the face of it who had mental breakdowns because they couldn't cope with not being able to do everything they could do before, and years later might still not be able to do anything - not because of what happened to them physically, but because they couldn't cope mentally because of what they thought and how they felt about the injury.

What I've noticed is that it's not just the injury that predicts how people cope. It's how they react to the injury. It's their attitude. If people feel hard-done-by and that what happened to them will ruin their life, it quite possibly will. If people feel that they can learn to cope with their injury and believe they can take responsibility for their reactions and management and that they can cope, they WILL, even if it takes them a while. Sometimes it can take a long time for people to come to terms with injury and be able to move on. The people who do come to terms with it do so because they don't give themselves a choice not to.

At work, I have been at times saddened when I see clients not feeling able to move on but also understand that things take time and recovery is never a matter of just snapping your fingers or making a wish. But I have also been incredibly inspired (often by the same clients!). Sometimes I have walked out of meetings with tears in my eyes. I never get teary at the bad stuff. I get teary when I am so overcome with joy at how some people have overcame terrible life events. I swear, some of my caseload could probably make a career out of speaking or writing their life stories. But most of them won't ever be known because they don't want to make a big deal of what they've been through. They don't want to make a fuss. Most of them don't ever really complain. They just want to live their lives in peace and quiet.

I think that seeing what others have gone through has made me a stronger person. I know damn well that whatever might happen to me, I've probably seen worse - and have seen people overcome it. I don't always cope well with negative life events straight away, but given a bit of time, I believe that I can cope with just about anything.

What do you think about all of this? How much responsibility do you take for your emotional reactions? Is it all your fault, or is it someone elses? When have you reacted well to a negative event? When have you reacted badly? What have you learned from negative life events? What positive changes have you made in your life?